i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
