he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
