I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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