He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She even gives head with a lisp.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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