I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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