Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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