apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
