i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
