I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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