So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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