Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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