Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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