Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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