And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We need to get me chipped asap
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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