I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dicks are not precious.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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