1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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