I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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