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• (850): View more from Florida

  hey. who tried to drive me home last night?

  (904): View more from Florida

  not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?

  (850): View more from Florida

  i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!

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• (786): View more from Florida

  you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.

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• (264): View more from Anguilla

  I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?

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• (510): View more from California

  but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike

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• (985): View more from Louisiana

  I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.

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• (716): View more from New York

  The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.

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• (506): View more from New Brunswick

  The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!

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• (406): View more from Montana

  I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  What's a sexy way to say balls deep???

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