You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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