I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
