Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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