I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
