idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Let's paint friendship bongs
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
