Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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