I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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