he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
