It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
