So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
