I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
