the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
