he was CRYING into my vagina
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
