yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
