Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
