You made me cry and you don't even care
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
