even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
