How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
