You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
