i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
