ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Sorry my hands just texted you
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
