There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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