let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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