I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
