i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
