11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
thus making me awesome and them whores
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
