I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
