there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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