Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
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My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
