i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
