I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
