This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
