i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
