he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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