so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
