So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
